it's all

SO REPETITIVE.

poison

You see a big, heaving creature slogging along and leaving a trail of spitty slime. Like a slug. It looks hungry and anxious and smacks its lips painfully. Its fleshy underbelly is scraped by the small snags on its native stem, each small nub ripping through its skin. Bits of soft flesh cling to the branch. They remain stuck there until becoming dry and brittle, small rinds cracking and falling away like an autumn leaf.

never mind

Please just break me. My strongest efforts are nothing but a fruit fly with a buzz too quiet to hear; I can't satisfy. I am pigheaded? lazy?
My brain is out of balance. That is reality. I have good days, (see two entries down) and then I realize that this doesn't matter and I cannot take control of my brain with no help. I can't. I wake up every day to a worthless existence, to everything that contradicts what I stand for or what I want. I cannot continue like this, I can't rely on myself for anything. This ground is too unstable; your house is made of brick, you can tell me to pull it together. You can inform me of how to fix this and you can tell me that I'm doing it wrong. But you don't lean on my fragile walls. My house is made of straw, and it will fall. It always falls.

just stuff me like a fucking animal.